Eliminating Your Workaholic Self With Barry Garapedian

 

Because society glorifies the grind so much, many people find themselves embracing and normalizing a workaholic lifestyle. Although this means more profit, it ultimately kills your well-being and destroys your relationships. Tim Westbrook explores the right way to get rid of this self-destructive lifestyle with Barry Garapedian, President and CEO of MAG7 Consulting. Barry looks back on how his relentless work ethic nearly cost him everything, including his 16-year marriage. He shares how he overcame this rigid mindset, rebuilt his life, and is now coaching young people to reach their full potential – all while teaching them how to avoid the mistakes he made.

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Eliminating Your Workaholic Self With Barry Garapedian

Welcome back to the show. I am here with Barry Garapedian. Barry built a powerhouse Wall Street practice, clocking 4:00 AM mornings and 80-hour weeks, until the very success he chased nearly cost him everything. Sixteen years into his marriage, Barry Garapedian’s wife asked for a divorce. The couple spent 3 long years apart before remarrying, an experience Barry calls his 4-year wake-up call from chronic workaholism.

Barry is President of MAG7 Consulting, where he teaches young people and their parents how to thrive without burning out using seven pillars that start with family and faith and end with philanthropy. If you’ve ever swapped one addiction for another, let’s say, trading alcohol for endless work, Barry’s story of losing and re-winning his family will resonate.

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Barry, thanks for joining us and being willing to open the curtain on both the climb and the cost.

This is a real story. It was extremely painful, even talking about this, but it’s important we share this with many of your clients and friends so they don’t make the same mistakes I made.

Barry Garapedian’s Journey Back To Family

We know each other from the Genius Network. You’re an amazing speaker. You have lots of great things to share. I wanted to have you on my show, and I was doing some more research. I learned more about your workaholism, which is a respectable addiction. There are lots of similarities between workaholism, alcoholism, and drug addiction, but they all share different traits.

As we’re wired, we’re wired as entrepreneurs. There’s only 5% of the population that’s entrepreneurial. We think differently. My mindset, when I started on Wall Street in 1982 at the ripe age of 23 years old, was to work every day, 3 nights a week from 6:30 to 8:30, and half days on Saturdays for 5 years. It worked. It propelled me from a business perspective to the top quarter of 1% in a national firm that led the nation in new accounts for 3 straight years.

Only 5% of the population is entrepreneurial. They think differently. Share on X

What happened over time, which started to catch up with us over close to sixteen years, my wife did, in fact, ask me for a divorce. She said I was having an affair. I said, “I’m not having an affair.” She said, “You’re having an affair.” I was having an affair with my business. We divorced, and I went and sought counseling and therapy for three years. I was seeing a therapist. That was a significant and huge help to me. I was coachable. I didn’t want the divorce.

Hold on. Before we continue down this path, did you have any alcoholic traits prior to this? What I mean is, for example, I started stealing things when I was a kid before the drinking and the drugs. That’s what I would call alcoholic behavior. It’s the lying, cheating, stealing, and excessive behavior. Did you have any of those behaviors prior to?

None of those. I don’t drink coffee. I don’t eat sugar. It was strictly a work mentality.

You didn’t do anything excessively?

Exercise. The exercise was excessive from the standpoint of Ironmans, triathlons, and marathons. I played tennis all the way through college. Sports was another release for me, as well as school and studying. I didn’t even have a girlfriend in high school or college. My first love is my wife. We got to know each other in the very first year of my career.

Go back to your story.

In simple terms, a rocket ship building the business. I did things no one else was doing. I hired callers. I leveraged callers. I had a mass mailing program that was 2,000 mass mailers a week. I had a computer machine making robocalls back in the ‘80s. I was opening up 40 to 50 accounts a month all over the country. It was a rocket ship. Money came in. Money was nothing.

We didn’t have kids until ten years out. We enjoyed this ride for ten years and traveled the world. You name it, we’ve been all around the world. Bottom line, we were internally bleeding, and we didn’t even know it. We were cutting ourselves and didn’t know it. The therapist told me, “You’ve been living four feet off the ground. We need to get you back down to the ground floor.”

I said, “What do you mean four feet off the ground?” The therapist said, “You’re not doing the things that you used to do, like washing the cars, raking the leaves, and doing the simple things that made you who you are.” I never even drove. For most of my career, I had a driver. I had a limo. We lived out in Malibu. We had a limo that picked me up and took me into the city. I worked in the car. In the old days, I had statements. I was going through statements, calling clients. I was working nonstop. It turned out to be not good.

I didn’t know about the Seven Fs until I went to therapy. We’ll talk about what the Seven Fs are because that is winning the game of life. I’ll say them quickly. It is Family, Faith, and how you define faith could be spiritually as well, Friends, Fitness, which is emotional as well as physical, Financial stewardship, which is being a good financial steward, Fun, and Philanthropy, which is being a giver. Those are the seven pillars that I brought into my life after sixteen years. After I went to the therapist, I said, “There’s got to be a better way to do this.”

When did you realize you were a workaholic?

It probably was when I went through the divorce.

You had no clue. Did you have any clue that your wife was unhappy?

No.

You were so focused on work.

She went heavy Born Again Christian. I was not willing to go to church every Sunday because I was training for a marathon, an Ironman, or a long bike ride. I think I was selfish, in hindsight, looking at it, because it’s very selfish to train that hard. In hindsight, looking at it, I probably was much more selfish. I didn’t see the whole picture. In that particular case, the money was there, but that’s not the whole story. That’s only 1/7 of winning. I realized it when I was going through therapy. Therapy opened up my life. She gave me tools.

When she said I was living four feet off the ground, I got rid of the limo. I sold the limo. I got rid of the driver. I started washing my cars again, armoring the tires, and vacuuming the inside. I was doing all the things that I had done most of my life. It’s a form of therapy for me. In addition to that, I learned how to write handwritten notes as an act of meditation. Writing you a handwritten note of articulating in gratitude is a form of therapy for me.

 

I’ll still write ten handwritten notes a week. I view that as therapy. I love it, with wax seals and everything. That’s another thing I learned even more through therapy. Therapy was remarkable for me. It changed my life. I was coachable. I didn’t want to be divorced. I love my wife. I was forced to date. I dated other women. We built it together. She helped me build the business.

I’m listening to you talk about Ironman. I’ve done Ironman a few times. I’ve done stuff. You’re right. I remember I had a woman that I dated. I did Ironman, and then after I did Ironman, I signed up for another Ironman. She looked at me and was like, “You did what?” That was the end of our relationship.

You’re watching what you eat. You go out and you’re like, “I can’t have that.” I have to go to bed early. I’m exhausted. I’m tired. I’m on a 70-mile bike ride. I’m swimming.

The weekends were training.

It is a selfish act. They were mistakes.

You learned.

I thank God I learned early enough in the game, sixteen years in. I believe I was 40. I’m version 6.7. I’m 67 years young. We’re celebrating 41 years of an interrupted marriage. We divorced 16 years in and remarried in 2004.

How does that look for someone whose wife leaves them, and they get divorced? You don’t say, “I’ll change.”

On top of that, she was dating a gentleman who was training her. It was very devastating to me. She was dating someone else behind me. I didn’t know.

While you were still married?

Yes.

She leaves you, and then she’s dating somebody else.

It was extremely hurtful.

That was the big wake-up call.

It was devastating. It didn’t have to be that way. If I had a consulting, coaching, and a mentor who talked about balance, it might’ve been different. I still would’ve cranked it, but I would’ve had much more awareness of these troubled areas.

Things happen for you, not to you.

We are stronger for it. Our relationship since we got remarried in ‘04 has been amazing. Communication is significantly better. We have routines. If I come home and I’m exhausted, it’s like, “Let’s make an appointment to talk about something so I’m prepared.” It works.

What Peak Workaholism Looks Like

What did a normal week look like during your four years of peak workaholism?

I get up at 4:00 in the morning. I lived in Los Angeles. The stock market opened at 6:30 in the morning. I wanted to be the 1st one in the office, so I’d be in the office at 5:00 AM, dressed up with a coat and tie. I’d work until 11:30. Working means cold calling, making calls, and having meetings. I’d usually take a break at 11:30, go to the pool, swim laps to take a break, come back, and crank it out from 2:00 to 4:00 or 2:00 to 4:30.

Three nights a week, I’d be making outgoing calls from 6:30 to 8:30 on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights with a bank of callers. I was working half days on Saturdays. That was for five years. Even through that, it was a significant amount of work. It was a big business at this point, with billions of dollars I was managing.

You’re crushing it in business. You didn’t notice that your wife wasn’t very happy?

No, I didn’t see the signs. At the end of the day, I was so wrapped up in my clients. I probably wasn’t giving her enough emotional attention. She said she wasn’t getting enough from me emotionally. I go back into my cave. We had a tennis court in the house. I’d have tennis people over playing. We had lots of events. We had lots of parties. We had lots of travel. We were always on the go. I don’t think I had the depth to peel the onion and get to the third vault conversations with her.

Ninety percent of transformation is awareness.

My love language was providing, and her love language was different. We aligned eventually. Also, a lot of money. She hired her attorney. I hired an attorney. They wanted a lot of money at that time. Each attorney wanted $100,000 to try the case. I said, “Sweetie, we can work this out on our own. Tell me what you want, and I’ll shut up and listen.” She said, “Here’s what I want. I want the other house. I want $300,000, net tax-free, for the rest of my life.” $300,000 a year was $25,000 net per month. This was many years ago. I said, “Done. Let me work on it, and I’ll get back to you.”

We fired the attorneys. I went to We The People. We worked out the deal and signed and sealed. I said, “Done.” I knew at that time that it was a coming-to-Jesus moment because I put everything on the line of where everything was, like all these assets, why our houses have things hidden, phantom this, and deferred this. There’s stuff everywhere. It was amazing to say, “Here’s everything we have. You get half.”

She didn’t ask for this, but I said, “If you get remarried, I will pay for this for the rest of your life.” I wanted to have a relationship with the kids. At that time, our kids were 4 and 6 years old. I knew I could make the money back. I wanted to make sure she was happy and that she would never have to worry about money. That was huge because it made everything fantastic.

We figured out how to get along, even though we were going through the separation. We went to Disneyland together with the kids. We still did things together, but we were bifurcated. She then wanted to get back together, but it was never aligned when we would get back together. Finally, the alignment hit. My daughter came up to me and said, “Daddy, I don’t think I’m going to get along with this other person you’re dating. I don’t think I’ll be seeing you very much.” That’s when I hit it. I got rid of the other person I was dating. That way, my ex-wife wanted to get back. I said, “Let’s see if we can rekindle this.” We rekindled it. We dated for six months before we got remarried.

First off, describe the day that she told you that she wanted to get divorced.

I remember it crystal clear. It was Labor Day 2000. We were in the back near our barbecue. I was shocked.

You were not even expecting it.

I was shocked. It leveled me. I couldn’t believe it. Then, I went to all the family members. I said, “Is she crazy? What’s going on?” That was probably the worst three years of my life, going through that process.

What made it so bad?

First of all, I didn’t want to be bifurcated. I love my wife. I loved the life that we had and my wife. All the attorney stuff, bills, attorney this, people wanting money, and this and that were very distracting. There were the heart-wrenching evenings alone at night. Bifurcating when the kids were 4 and 6, they were there half the time, and me half the time. It was horrible. I don’t wish that on anybody. That’s why I’m so passionate about getting this message out and talking about these Seven Fs, which are the Family, Faith, and then having the balance of vacation time, free time, and quality time. I went through the pain. Until you go through it, you don’t know how bad it can be.

Many of our readers trade one addiction for another in early recovery. Was that true in your case?

Yeah. In hindsight, looking at it, it was an addiction. Also, my exercise is an addiction with me as well as you, potentially. You’re extraordinarily fit. You’re in the top quarter of 1% of people who are fit. I’d rather have that addiction than the other addictions, such as sugar eating, alcohol, gambling, porn, or all those naughty things that are out there. I can have a drink, but I don’t want to. I don’t have any desire to have a drink, drink coffee, or anything like that. However, I’m an all-or-nothing person. There’s very little gray with me.

You’re right. I’ve traded one addiction for another. The addiction I have is building out MAG7, helping young minds and people, and educating them on some of the mistakes that I made. You don’t have to make them. Also, it is never too late. When I went through all this, I was 40-something years old. I was 45. It has been twenty-plus years, and I’m living the dream.

Breaking Down Barry’s Recovery Journey

What did your recovery look like?

It was consistently seeing a therapist every week. I started with 3, and I got it down to 1. Every week, I said, “She’s not saying anything. I’m talking 90% of the time.” That’s part of the therapy. She’s not telling me I don’t know. I’m talking. It was helpful for me to have the catharsis of getting it out and talking. Truly, I did want to get better. I was like, “Maybe she’s right. Maybe there’s a point here. Maybe I have some of these narcissistic behaviors that I need to be mindful of, change, and modify.” It was my choice to modify because I truly wanted to be back in a good relationship. I also wanted to have a good relationship with my kids.

What are some of the behaviors that you had to change?

Clearly, better listening. Listening is something I truly am still working on. Also, asking my wife every day what I can do to help her. I start the morning out, every morning, saying, “Honey, good morning. Tell me about your day. What’s going on? What can I do to help you today?” That’s number one. Number two, I try to make her laugh every day. Those are the two things I still do.

In addition to that, if there’s a time that I want to talk with her, I say, “How does your day look? If you have some time at this time, I’d like to talk to you about this.” We have a time on the calendar where we can talk versus walk in. It’s easier to schedule it because she might hit me with something that I’m not in the mood to talk about or something with business stuff, health stuff, or whatever. We’re like, “Let’s schedule it on the calendar.” We still do different themes of the week. We started this after we got remarried. On Monday night, we have a breakfast theme. She makes breakfast for dinner, like pancakes and waffles. You name it.

That’s every Monday night. Do you ever miss?

Sometimes, but rarely. Tuesday night is Taco Tuesdays. Wednesday is Asian Fusion. I love Asian Fusion night.

Do you guys come up with the menu together?

She will ask me. I say, “It’s Asian Fusion night.” She’ll say, “What are you thinking?” I’m like, “Let’s do stir-fried chicken.” Thursday night is Continental. Friday night is movie night. I love going to the movies. I’m a big movie guy. I love going to the big screen and sitting down in big chairs.

Do you eat at the movie theater?

Of course. I bring the goodies. I don’t mind spending $12 for a Diet Coke. That’s what I’ll do. On Saturday night, it is miscellaneous. Sunday is family dinner.

What’s miscellaneous?

It could be any of the parties or something that we go to. It’s a wild card. It could be anything. This Saturday, we stayed home and chilled. We watched baseball, basketball, or whatever. Sunday is always a family dinner. We have everybody come over to the house. We have a barbecue. All the kids, grandkids, everybody comes over, and we do that. Everybody’s welcome. I like structure like that. I like to be like, “It’s breakfast theme now. Honey, let’s try the omelette. Let’s try the flambe.”

Does your wife like to cook?

She loves to cook. She’s very good at this. She made an incredible meatloaf with vegetable pasta. I said, “Remember, I’m not eating carbs. Chill out on the carbs. Everything has to be vegetables and protein.” She said, “I know you’re eating your 201 and a half X of your weight in grams of protein. I’m right behind you.” I’m constantly measuring my protein.

What’s your diet like?

I weigh 160, so I’m eating 200 grams of protein a day. I go very light on the carbs and no sugar.

How many grams of carbs are you eating?

I’m not quite sure. I haven’t measured that in the last couple of months. I’m paying more attention to the proteins.

You’re making sure you get enough protein.

Also, drinking my water.

What about fat?

I haven’t measured that either. I’ve been focusing mostly on protein. I eat the nuts. I have my almonds. I eat seven almonds a day.

How Family Constitution Keeps Loved Ones Together

Your family constitution. Walk us through one guideline that still keeps you honest when work tries to kick back in.

Here’s a guideline in our family constitution. We have seven pillars of the family constitution. The first pillar is family. We have a guideline that when any family member goes to the airport, a family member must take that person to the airport and pick them up. My wife drove me to the airport.

You’re not taking a limo.

We’re not taking a limo. We’re not taking an Uber. We’re not taking anything like that. We value drive time with our family. When I’m in the car with her for 30 minutes, it’s quality time in the car. If my son-in-law is going to the airport, it could be a 6:00 in the morning flight, and I’m like, “We’ve got to leave at 4:30. I’m picking you up, and I’m taking you.” That is a guideline in our family constitution.

Another guideline in our family constitution that’s simple but is real is that anytime we see a veteran, a policeman, or a fireman, we thank them for their service. We are teaching our grandkids at four years old, “Walk up to that person and say, ‘Thank you for your service.’” They’re like, “What do you mean? Thank you for your service?” They have no idea what they’re doing, so we educate them. That’s another thing in our guidelines. There are a variety of things like that.

Another item under financial is that we believe in the system of merit, not entitlement. We want you to earn it. We’re not going to give you things. You’re going to have to earn it. That’s a big, significant piece. My kids don’t have any of our wealth. They’re earning every dime on their own. They’re on Wall Street, scratching and clawing.

Teach children about the system of merit instead of entitlement. If they want something, they have to earn it. Share on X

How old are your kids?

My daughter is 31. My son is 28. They’re earning it. They’re working hard. They’re going to do well. I want them to experience the fulfillment of earning it on their own. I don’t want them to live under my umbrella of daddy giving you all this money. That is the worst thing that can happen, in my opinion. I want them to have healthy struggles.

How did you create your family constitution? Where did that idea come from?

The idea came from all the therapy that I was getting. I said, “All these values, inner truths, and inner beliefs are in our heads. Why don’t we write them out?” Our kids and our grandkids can keep this legacy and this enrichment going. We started writing out our values. That’s how it started. I then said, “The Seven Fs, Family, Faith, Friends, Fitness, Financial, Fund, and philanthropy are the pillars. Under each one, we have guidelines.” It’s very natural. We had an artist create a crest, and it took off.

I started utilizing that strategy in business with our clients who had a financial plan. Everybody has a financial plan. I’m like, “We’re going to have a family charter, or a constitution based on your values, and we’re going to help you honor them. Every month, we’re going to suggest something to do in the family constitution for the family to keep it alive.” People love that. It’s family trips and family vacations. It could be having a family meeting every six months or every quarter. It’s very cool.

I love it. It’s because of that that your family stays pretty close.

They’re connected. Everyone is connected. Everybody wants to be at our house. I’m not judging. There’s clearly implied pressure. I try to minimize that. I’m like, “This is your show. I’m here for you. I’m going to give you all the collateral I can get. I’m not going to give you money. I want you to earn that.” They’re better off for it.

I would agree with that.

It’s very important. Our grandkids are the same way. I’m doing projects on the property, like a golf green and sand traps. I had five tons of new sand delivered. They’re seeing me wheel it in. I’d be like, “I need your help, kids.” They’re helping me bring sand into the sand pits, or they’re helping me blow the leaves off the tennis court. I get them a little net to clean the leaves out of the pool. They’re going to help me wash my car.

We’re big car washers. They make more of a mess than I could. I’m like, “Could you hold the hose? Don’t scratch the car.” I find some scratches, and I’m like, “No.” It’s the essence of them doing things. It’s the fulfillment that they feel like they’re helping. The whole narrative of Genius Network and Joe Polish is to be a giver. Being a giver is a value creation or creating value. I’m teaching them to create value. That is the absolute narrative of what I stand for. Be a giver. You as well. That’s your whole narrative.

Most Effective Ways Of Relapse Prevention

Let’s talk about relapse prevention. How do you prevent yourself from relapsing back into your workaholism? I would imagine that occasionally, you can lean or head in that direction.

What I wasn’t doing was journaling. I am now journaling every morning. What I do has changed over the years. I’m doing the WinStreak from Strategic Coach, where I write down the 3 biggest wins of the day and the 3 biggest wins I want the next day. That’s to keep me positive and keep me on the edge of my chair. That’s one thing.

 

I also still see a therapist once every two weeks. Why would I stop it? It has worked. Why would I get rid of this person? This person is brilliant. She keeps me aligned and keeps me congruent. She’s the ballast of my boat. $250 for 50 minutes twice a month, that’s $500 a month and $6,000 a year. It’s worth the investment. That’s how I look at it. It’s the investment to keep me congruent. I have all kinds of questions, and this and that.

Having a coach or a therapist every two weeks, journaling, learning from my mistakes, and being mindful, like, “Don’t go back there again. Don’t do that. Stay balanced.” It’s hard sometimes because I’m sitting through things. It is difficult because I’m like, “I should be doing this.” It’s not FOMO. I’ve learned how to manage the FOMO, which is the Fear Of Missing Out, or TOMS disease, which is Terrified Of Missing Shit. Those are real with me.

I understand. I can relate.

TOMS disease was a big one for me. I’m into more JOMO. JOMO is the Joy Of Missing Out. I’m present here. I’m in the moment, and I’m joyful. I get to do this. I went out and swam two miles. I was in the pool. I said, “I get to do this. How lucky am I to do this?” It’s not hard getting up in the morning because the morning time starts the evening before. I prep and get in bed at 9:30. I’m tucked in and everything. I’m ready to go.

Healthy Hustle Vs. Relapse To Workaholism

Work can be socially rewarded, unlike drugs or alcohol. How do you spot a healthy hustle versus a hidden relapse to workaholism?

It all comes, for me, from helping others with the a-ha moments. I’m so engaged with a lot of my clients. I have eight meetings. Someone got a raise as an opportunity. I’m very connected to their lives of victories. I’m aligned with the ups and the downs, but also, I’m consistently looking for creative ways to keep them on the edge of their chair, growing.

My life is about the business I’m building with clients and their lives. My kids are doing their thing. My wife and I are solid. It’s taking these new chapters and helping other young minds, kids, and parents. I’ve been there. I know that. I know what’s going through your head. If you’re having a drinking problem, I understand. You need to get some help. I can’t help you with that. I don’t have the tools. I tell people, “I’m not a doctor. I’m not a therapist. You need to get some guidance on that, or it’s going to get out of hand.”

If I see kids vaping too much, or I see kids with significant cannabis issues, I say, “Let’s talk about that. You said you want to be a high performer. That’s pretty hard to do when you’re doing all that kind of stuff. It doesn’t matter when you’re doing organic and you’re clean. Let’s talk about that. This is a choice you need to make right now. If you want to go in that direction, that’s your call. It’s going to limit your upside. You said you want all these nice things in your life and that you want to be happy, do this, and do that. It’s your call.”

Building MAG7 Consulting

How did you start MAG7 Consulting?

MAG7 stands for the 7 lessons you never learned in school. The seven lessons started with Family, Faith, Friends, Fitness, Financial, Fun, and philanthropy. That’s how it started. I was doing a lot of work in my Wall Street business in family governance, working with clients’ kids. I fell in love with the family, and I said, “I want to help your son out. I want to help your daughter out.”

People are like, “How are you going to help them?” I’m like, “I can help him with an internship,” or, “I can help him interview. I can tell them how to dress appropriately. There are so many things I can help with.” That became the economic glue of connecting me with families. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Few people were doing this. It differentiated me from everybody else. I sold my business.

That was the Wall Street business.

Yes.

How long did you stay in the Wall Street business?

39 years.

When you got remarried, were you still in the Wall Street business?

Yes. It was a great 39 years. I have no regrets.  I retired. For the first six months, I got bored, to be very candid with you. There is a diminishing return to skiing, running, swimming, cycling, and traveling. It was diminishing to me. It wasn’t fulfilling. I could play tennis for an hour a day, but then what? You have all that. You can swim. You can run. You can cycle.

You’re not creating any value.

I missed that void. I said, “What do I want to do?” It happened very serendipitously. After some time marinating, I said, “I love working with young minds. Let’s define that. The space is 14 to 30.” I want to make a dent in the universe, helping these young minds out and teaching them things that they’re not learning in school.

They’re not learning this stuff in school. No way their schools are arming these kids. They’re not teaching them how to be extraordinary. I can give them the tools if they’re willing and committed. That’s when I started this thing in April 2023. It’s June ‘25. It’s unbelievable. There’s nothing like it in the country. There are different things online of this, that, and whatever, but not like what we’re doing. I can take someone where they are and figure out where they are. Everyone has goals. We’ll do 90-day goals.

Is this consulting? Are you working one-on-one with people?

It’s one-on-one consulting.

How many people do you work with?

I have 35. I have room for 50.

You personally?

Yes.

Do you have anybody else who works with you?

I have two other people who are coming on. They started a few months ago. They’ve been with me for two years. They’re minority owners. I’m grooming them to help me. To answer your question, I have room for 50. I’m at 35. I’ve got to tell you. I have 6 to 7 meetings a day. Those are half-hour meetings. My work ethic is that I’m used to working 12 to 14-hour days. That’s nothing. I work for 2 to 3 hours.

Is it virtual or in person?

Mostly virtual, on Zoom. They’re all different levels. People who are in different places in school, whether they’re in Ivy League schools or normal colleges. I have kids who are taking a pause in college. There are a lot of brilliant kids who don’t need to go to college. You don’t need to go to college. You might not be a college person. You might do something completely different, which is fine. It is figuring that out.

Everyone has a goal. We will help them create their goals. We start with a vision board. I don’t call it a vision board. I call it a decision board. You’re putting the images on a piece of paper, and we put them on your screensaver on your phone. I carry my vision board. It is my image board. It’s all the things that are meaningful to me.

Think bigger. Real food. Real fitness. Discipline.

There are things in here that mean something to me. Everyone does one of these. They put it on the screensaver of their phone. They’re like, “This is a decision board because I’m going to attain this.”

“That’s what my life looks like.”

It’s not that complicated. It’s quite simple, but very few people do it. I’m into call-to-actions of doing things. What does that mean? There are different pillars of deliverables that will be delivered depending on where the kid is. A kid might be extremely introverted. We need to get them from an introvert to an ambivert. An ambivert is in the middle, not an extrovert.

I’ve never heard of that before. Is that a new word?

It’s been out there. It’s in the middle. How do you do that? We need to improve their self-belief. Their self-belief is based on accomplishments. To get them feeling better about themselves, there are things they need to do. Let me give you an example. One example would be practicing going first. In other words, you are going to be the first to initiate a handshake.

You’re the first person to say, “Good morning. Good afternoon.” You’re the first person to run over, pick up that piece of trash, and throw it away, or be in an elevator, asking everybody in the elevator what floor. You’re the one pressing the buttons. That’s the mindset of practice going first. That’s the white belt version of the many other levels we’ll get to. That builds confidence in a very micro way, but also demonstrates leadership in a micro way.

Anyone I’m working with, I’ll give you an example. Priya Patel is a client of mine. She’s going to be heading up Genius Youth. She’s coming to the Genius meetings. I told her that she has to talk to every person at Genius over the course of two days, and that she has to initiate a conversation. She has to walk up to someone, shake hands, and say, “My name’s Priya Patel. It’s great to see you. Where’s home for you?” That’s how you lead. She’s going to do that.

I’m going to meet Priya.

I promise you. She’s amazing. She is also very coachable. She’s extremely bright, but she’s also putting together the people skills, the EQ, that many of us don’t learn. Unless you’re a mentor, a parent, a coach, or someone, where do you learn this stuff? Maybe from your work.

Who’s the potential client that you might want to work with, or that might want to work with you?

I would say anyone who is truly motivated to be even better. They have to be 100% committed. It’s almost like wanting to be sober. I have one gentleman who is going on seven months of sobriety. I’m so proud of him. He got into some issues. He started with me in January 2025. I talk about, “Your fitness is everything. Get in the best shape of your life.” He’s working out.

 

The fact is, it’s a commitment. Anyone who’s committed to being a better person, I don’t discriminate. I’ll take young kids. I have people who are thirty, forty, forty-five, and fifty. I have adult people on Wall Street who want help with their business, but they also need help in some other areas. I tell them, “I’m going to help you get into the right lane and drive quicker and more efficiently. I’m not going to solve some of these other issues.”

What do you get out of working with people?

The fulfillment and the joy. I look forward to getting out of bed. The first thing I say to myself when I jump out of bed is, “I’m going to make today an extraordinary day. I get to do this.” I do. It’s challenging sometimes in the morning. Two feet on the ground, I turn my alarm off, walk into the bathroom, and then my protocol starts. I have a very structured morning routine that’s ridiculous.

Tell me about your morning routine.

At 4:15, the alarm goes off.

Seven days a week?

Seven days a week. The first thing I do is turn my music box on. I get some sound going or some music.

What kind of music?

It could be any kind, like energy music or feel-good music. I turn on the TV in my dressing room to put ESPN on. I need to see movement and action. I then put my timer on. I allow myself two minutes to take an ice-cold shower at 4:17 in the morning. I get out and then turn the music into Audible. I’m listening to books on tape. It might be something with Dan Sullivan and Ben Hardy of Who Not How. It could be 10X is Easier than 2X. It could be something positive. I like people telling me stories.

After brushing my teeth, shaving, and doing the whole thing, I then go into my dressing room. It’s about 4:32. I do a whole ab routine. I do an 8-minute ab, and then I do a 90-second plank. I do 300 crunches in sets of 100, and I do 120 pushups in sets of 40. That takes me twenty minutes. It’s about 4:55. I walk down to the kitchen, get a towel, and get my swim bag. I get in the car and drive to the pool.

The pool opens at 5:30 in our club. I send out my Barry briefies or my little texts in the parking lot. I’m early. I’m knocking on the door to let me in early. It’s 5:20 or 5:25 in the morning. The place opens at 5:25. I’m in the fricking water. It’s cold at 5:30 in the morning. I am in a Speedo, ready to swim two miles. It’s a little lighter, but it’s dark. The lights are on. I bang out a swim. I do the jacuzzi for ten minutes. I do a Military deck change. Towel, change, and moisturize.

I’m in the car, checking my emails and texts. I get back to my house at 7:00 AM. I’m live in my cottage at 7:00 AM. I have meetings stacked throughout the whole day. Usually, someone comes over and plays tennis in the middle of the day. Anywhere from 12:00 to 2:00 is tennis, HIIT, or another workout. I eat a protein salad for lunch. In the morning, I’ll have some egg whites. I’ll eat protein throughout the day. In the latter part of the day, there’ll be another workout. It’s a lift or yoga. It could be a HIIT workout on the bike. Dinner is usually later because I don’t usually eat while it’s light. I can’t eat while it’s light. It has to be dark.

How come?

I feel like I should be doing something if it’s light outside.

In Southern California, it’s late.

I’m eating dinner at 7:40 or 8:00 at night. My wife has different themes. We’re empty-nested. She’ll bring me a tray professionally done with parsley. Everything is positioned beautifully on this dish. I’m sitting down and I have the big screen in front. It’s usually sports. It’s either tennis, basketball, or baseball. We are big Dodger fans. The baseball game is always on.

I’m sitting down, and she’ll come and deliver it. I say, “This is fantastic. Sit. Let me talk to you for a second. Let’s talk.” She’s sitting in the other chair. She has her TV on in the kitchen. She has another room where she’s watching her stuff. We’re bifurcated in the evening. It’s not like we’re sitting and watching something together.

You guys are doing different things.

We’ve been married for 40 years. She has her stuff. I’m watching my stuff. She’ll go to bed around 9:00. She’ll be watching TV upstairs. I want to be in bed by 9:30. I have a mask. She’ll have the TV going on, and I can’t hear anything. I’ll put a mask on, so I can’t see anything. We’ll go to bed. I’m knocked out.

You wake up at 4:15. What time does she wake up?

She doesn’t wake up that early. She doesn’t even hear the alarm when it goes off. I’ll come and check on her around 7:00, 7:30, or 8:00 if she’s up and that whole thing. We have an English cottage 100 yards off the main house. We’re on twelve acres. I’ll go up the steps and check in on her, like, “How’s it going?” There’s a housekeeper there to clean the place up. We have a kitty cat that’s a part of the family.

Any other pets?

She’s a cat person. I let her have her kitty cat. She had this kitty cat delivered from somewhere in the Midwest. It’s a special breed. It’s a white Himalayan Persian. The cat is like a human. It knows everything.

How old is your cat?

It’s inside a year. It’s a kitten.

I lived with my stepsister when I was in my late 20s, and she had a Persian cat that was 14. I hated that cat. I remember she went away for the weekend, and I took care of the cat. The cat shit in front of my door. I’m like, “Come on.” I’m not very fond of cats. I was traumatized.

We are dog people, but she’s a cat person. I’m cool with that.

The True Impact Of Workaholism

I’ve got some questions here. Let me see if I can go back to some of these questions. Looking back, how were your kids wounded by your workaholism, and how have you repaired it? I know how you repaired it. You’ve already talked a lot about that. How were they wounded?

They were wounded by it. There’s no question about it. The way I made up for it is by going to all their events and being connected to their events. My son is a tennis player. He played Division I tennis at Pepperdine. I would never bring my phone with me. I’d always keep the phone in the car. My wife, at that time, would call and be like, “I can never get a hold of you. Where are you?” I’m like, “I don’t want my son to see me on the phone because that means the phone’s more important than his match.” One, I was dialed into what the kids were doing. My daughter was into dance. I was big on going to all their events. I didn’t miss anything. I don’t think I’ve ever missed one of his matches.

That was even when you were separated?

Yeah. My son played in hundreds of tennis tournaments all over the country. To get good, you have to lose a lot, unfortunately. My daughter did high-level dance. Their ninth-grade high school team won a national championship at Disneyland. I was there. I didn’t miss anything. Even though we were bifurcated, we went to all these things. We supported our kids. One, I was there. I had great relationships with them. One is being there and being present. That’s one thing I did well.

They probably have some of this workaholism, to be candid with you. My son and daughter work hard. They do have the balance. We’re doing a family vacation. I’m taking everybody. We’re going to the beach in Laguna. We’re doing everything. I’m popping for everything. I’m like, “You guys come with us. We’re going to have a blast.”

There are more things like that, the family dinners every Sunday. We have family vacations. We’re fortunate enough that we can pop for it. They can save money and come with us. If they want to have a drink, have a drink. They’re managing it so far. You never know.

It’s a progressive disease.

You don’t know.

You are a great example. You had the ism, and the ism is under control or whatever.

The ism is mindfulness, therapy, handwritten notes to myself, articulating feelings, being accountable, I can be wrong, and understanding some of the narcissistic isms that I’ve had that I am clearly not right in. There are a lot of things that I learned that I’m mindful of. A therapist is huge, or having a coach.

How long have you been seeing a therapist on a regular basis?

I hired her when I retired because it was a transition. Someone suggested, “You probably would want to get a therapist to help you with the transition.” It has been 3 and a half or 4 years. I’ve had 130 sessions with her. Sometimes, I don’t even know what we’re going to talk about. She’ll say, “Get talking. Here we go.” Everything’s great. You start talking about things.

I see a therapist every couple of weeks. It’s great.

You know it’s very helpful.

Even if I don’t think I need it.

Exactly. It’s like running a marathon. You have to drink when you don’t think you need to drink water, right?

Yes.

You’ve got to be drinking. It’s going to catch up with you.

You’ve got to drink and eat.

For myself, it’s being vulnerable, too. In talking about this with you, I want to help other people not make the same booboo. I’m vulnerable with that. I can be vulnerable with my kids and my wife. This is painful for us to talk about. If my wife were here, she’d say, “I take 90% of the responsibility.” I’m like, “No. It’s 50/50, honey. I was doing things. You were doing things.” Collectively, we didn’t know we were internally bleeding or that we were cutting ourselves. We thought we were doing everything right.

Finding A Natural High In Helping Others

Let’s look at some of the parallels between how craving more deals and more hours mirror substance cravings, and what coping tools might overlap.

I’m clearly still wired to endorphins and to that high. I feel my high is helping someone. I enjoy that. I do like finishing a workout. There’s a natural high completing a swim, a run, or a bike. It makes me feel good. It’s the same thing when I’m talking to someone on the phone and being fulfilled in helping them and/or helping someone brand-new.

It’s the fulfillment. It’s not money. It used to be money years ago. I was motivated by money or by monetization clearly for the first ten years of my career, but now, money does not drive me. My lifestyle drives me, as well as the people I could help. There’s nothing materially that I need or want. What I’m looking for in my life is putting together memories and moments. Moments and memories like this are what it’s all about.

Did you come from money?

No. Both my parents were teachers. Both my parents were educators. My dad was a journalism professor in college, and my mom was an elementary school teacher. We were raised very middle-class.

Where’d you grow up?

I grew up in North Hollywood, California. I was working at seven years old. I remember my first job was watering lawns, invoicing my neighbor for $1.5 a week. I remember parking cars at Sportsman’s Lodge for $2.10 an hour. I remember having a savings account. I remember going with my dad and putting money in the savings account. I remember my first stock when I got into college and bought my first equity. I had nothing. I did have several businesses. I taught tennis because I played tennis throughout college. I had a tennis business.

Where’d you go to college?

I went to USC. When I was going to college, I found three tennis courts in the area. I didn’t have a court. I found a tennis court in Toluca Lake. I asked the person, “I’ll wash your tennis court once a week and give you 1 hour of tennis lessons if I could use your court for 7 hours a week.” I did three courts all over. I had 1 in Beverly Hills, 1 in Toluca Lake, and 1 in another part of the town. I had a business where I was running about twenty hours a week teaching tennis. At that time, it was $12 an hour. That was back in ‘78 through ‘80.

You were killing it.

I remember I saved up $10,000 to go to SC. My parents paid tuition, but I had incidental money where I bought the books and all the other knick-knacks. I went through that $10,000 in 2 years. That was all saved up from tennis teaching. I graduated from SC, and I immediately got right into Wall Street in 1982. The rest was history.

Where did I learn the work ethic? From my dad. I would always do the yard work. On Saturdays, I was always mowing the lawn. He would edge. I did all the grunt work. I remember those days. I was washing cars. I took a lot of pride in washing everybody’s car. I got paid $1.50 a car. If I waxed it, it was $5 to wax a car back in the day. I was motivated by money as a young entrepreneur. I remember the apartments around, I’d offer to wash their steps and do things around the apartment, and I got paid. I had a lockbox near my bed. I counted my money all the time. I’d be like, “$38. I’m at $51. I’m at $78.” I remember those days very well.

That’s great.

Nothing was given to us, my wife and I. We clearly had the work ethic. She did, too. She was hardworking. She clearly helped build the business with me.

Getting Physically Healthy And Designing Perfect Days

I can relate to this because when I first got sober, I owned a business and focused all my time on working. If you have a reader in early sobriety drowning in twelve-hour work days, what’s one boundary they can set this week?

It’s the Seven Fs. You have to figure out how to balance the Seven Fs. That’s the Family, Faith, Friends, Fitness, Financial, Fun, and philanthropy. If I had to pick one, I probably would make sure you get into some form of exercise or cardio because that is a huge piece of the puzzle of being healthy. If you can get healthy physically, it’s going to help with your emotional and mental acuity. That would be the first place to start. I’d be putting energy into making one phone call a day to a family member, acknowledging friends, and staying connected to friends. You’re reaching out, like, “I’m thinking of you. What’s going on?” You don’t have to have an excuse to call. You could say, “I’m thinking of you. What’s going on?”

If you can get healthy physically, it will help with your emotional acuity. Share on X

It’s something with what I call designing perfect days. I design perfect days. I know what a perfect day looks like in my book. I’m like, “Why don’t we design a perfect day? What would that look like? What time would you wake up? What would you eat in the morning? What would you do?” It’s not that hard to do if you close your eyes and say, “I’m going to design a cool day. There’s no work.” Strategic Coach started back in ‘97 when I started that. We had the free days, the focus days, and the buffer days. It was very helpful. On free days, you’re not doing any business.

Do you take any free days?

I probably modified. I do so many different balancing throughout the day. My day is high energy. I’m working out 3 days a week, 3 times a day. Right. I do it early in the morning, in the middle of the day, and in the late part. I don’t feel tired because I’m constantly oxygenating my blood. I’m also eating properly. I’m not eating heavy-duty stuff. I’m eating chicken salads, salads, and protein. I’m nibbling a little almond here or there and a little water.

Barry’s Book Recommendation For Workaholics

What’s a book you’d hand to an alcoholic who doesn’t believe they have a problem?

I have lots of books that I have folks read, but an alcoholic?

Not an alcoholic. I’m sorry. I misspoke. I meant a workaholic. This is a workaholic who may not know they’re a workaholic. Maybe they think they’re a workaholic, but they don’t know they’re a workaholic.

I have a huge library. I have an incredible library because I’m an avid reader. There are so many of them. I’m a big Tim Ferriss fan. I love all the books he’s done. Tools of Titans would be the first one. Tools of Titans is a collaboration of 400 to 500 stories about successful people and how they manage different successes. That would be the first. If I had to name one book, that has been my favorite. There are short stories that are a page and a half or two pages long. It’s not like you’re getting drowned in something. He’s straight to the point. I like his stuff.

Keeping A Blissful And Grateful Heart

One habit that anchors you when you feel the pull of getting back to the grind.

It goes back to gratitude for how fortunate I am to be doing what I’m doing, and also how healthy I am that I can do what I’m doing. It’s gratitude. I do this all the time. I look around and say, “Look at the trees. How lucky am I?” I was on the tennis court. I have a ball machine. I’ll go out there sometimes about 7:00 at night. It’s getting that twilight of the evening. It’s gorgeous and warm. I have four speakers in the back. I can snap tennis balls. I can snap four hundred, five hundred, or six hundred balls. It’s one of my favorite things to do. I’m in gratitude.

To answer your question, it grounds me. Getting on a mountain bike outside grounds me. Being out in nature, being in a pool, swimming, gliding, and effortlessly rotating grounds me. How everything rotates perfectly grounds me. You hit that flip turn right and bounce off. It’s an awesome feeling. Skiing and carving turns with no snow coming up behind me grounds me. I’m carving turns effortlessly. I can think of many situations where I’m in bliss. I create that every day. You’re saying, “What are you doing every day?” I create situations where I get myself in a good, happy place.

Finding True Intimacy After Remarriage

Finish this sentence. Remarrying my wife taught me that true success is?

Being fully connected to her. I was not connected to her before. I am now connected to her. For example, I never went to the doctor’s appointments with her. When we got remarried, I said, “As many doctor appointments as I can go to, I’ll go with you. I’ll be there for you.” When she was getting a CT scan, I said, “I’m going with you. I’m taking you.” This was Sunday. I never did that many years ago.

That’s being connected. I said, “I want to do that. I want to be with you.” It’s gnarly getting into those tubes or MRIs. Many times, I’d go with her, and I’d have to hold her hand. She was freaked out being in the tube, which is a closed tube, getting an MRI done. I’m like, “I’ll hold your hand. I’m right here. Breathe through it. Talk to me.” I did a lot of that. I never did that many years ago. The biggest thing is being connected, not from a sexual perspective. That, too, but also emotionally throughout the day.

It’s intimacy.

Anytime we’re out and anywhere, I’m holding her hand. When we’re going to the movie, I’m holding her hand. That’s a powerful touch.

I used to think that intimacy was sex. That’s a type of intimacy. Intimacy is, to your point, being connected on so many other levels.

It’s also having deeper conversations, like, “Tell me why you feel that way,” or, “I understand what you’re doing. That makes sense. Help me understand.” There are all these different bridges. I use, “Tell me more,” a lot. I let her talk and articulate her feelings because she needs to articulate things. I’m telling myself, “Don’t solve it. Don’t try to fix it. Listen.” That’s what I’m saying to myself. I do want to come to a solution, but I’m like, “Don’t solve it. Listen.” I say to her, “I hear you. I understand that. Thank you.”

I love it.

I learned a lot. It’s not like I was that bad, but it caused me a divorce. We had everything. It was pretty gnarly.

Keeping Everything Perfect And Intentional

I appreciate you. I look at where you’re at, and it’s so amazing to see. I can only imagine. You’re so OCD-structured. It’s obvious that you like your shit a certain way. You worked your ass off. You did this.

That’s who I am. I don’t try to hide it. When I’m at the pool, I have all my pool stuff laid out perfectly. There’s a certain cream here, and there’s an ear thing here. My shoes are perfect. It’s Rafael Nadal when he plays tennis. If you ever watch him play, he’s very particular where his water bottle is. Everything is positioned. I am that way, too. If you were to see me get up in the morning, I would have all my toiletries laid out the evening before, like my toothbrush and dental floss. Everything’s perfectly done. Not on the tile. There’s a cloth. Everything’s intentional.

Were you like that as a kid, too?

I had that ism with me as a kid, too. I studied body language because our business was people. One of the things I learned years ago is to always walk someone out to their car. The Japanese said, “Go down the elevator with them and take them to their car.” Many people have their cars cleaned. If you want to know if the person’s together, lift the trunk of their car and see how organized their trunk is. The trunk of their car tells you everything about the person. I oftentimes would want to see. I’m like, “Let’s open up your trunk. We can put this in the back.” Mine is vacuumed out.

If you want to truly know a person, see how organized the trunk of their car is. Share on X

Do you still do that?

Yeah. It’s perfect. There’s not a leaf or a speck of dust in it.

Do you still look at other people’s trunks?

Yeah. I’m constantly and mindfully figuring people out. An open jacket tells you that I’m open. If I have this buttoned up, it tells you something. There are all kinds of tricks to the trade of positioning how you sit. How we’re sitting is very conversational. If we were across a table, it’d be different. If there’s a man and a wife at a table, I’d always position myself closer to the female. I’d want to make sure the females are engaged in the conversations as much as the males. I’m giving the female opportunities to add value. That’s very important.

Delivering A Return On Impact

We’re coming up to the end of our hour. It’s been an hour or so. Is there anything I missed, or anything else you want to mention or talk about?

At the end of the day, for me, it is truly about creating value for others. Everybody does it differently. The way I like to do it is to find a way to empower someone and make a dent. I call it ROI as in Return On Impact. Wherever I go, I want to impact someone in a positive way. That’s how I want to end. Wherever I go, if I’m meeting the Avis Car person who lets me out, I’ll take a couple of seconds and thank them for doing this or have a small conversation with them. I never used to do that. I’m much more connected to people anywhere in their lives, whether it’s someone at the hotel.

I’ve also learned to tip healthy with people who are doing work because I value them working hard. Oftentimes, tips are their livelihood. That’s another thing I feel in giving. A maid might bring a towel, and I might have a little $20 thing there every day. It’s a little thing, but it’s huge to someone who’s making ends meet, raising a couple of kids, or is having issues with money. I’ve been blessed. Money is not an issue. It’s little things like that.

Get In Touch With Barry

Where can people find you, and where can they learn more about you?

It’s Barry@MAG7Consultants.com. Reach out anytime. I have a phone number, which is (818) 427-6109. I’d love to talk with you if I can help in any way. You’re talking to one of the best guys right here. Work with Tim. He’s the best.

Thank you. I appreciate you. I appreciate your time. Thanks for tuning in. I will see you in the next episode.

 

Important Links

• MAG7 Consulting
• Barry@MAG7Consultants.com
• WinStreak
• Who Not How
• 10X is Easier than 2X
• Tools of Titans

 

About Barry Garapedian

Barry Garapedian is the President and CEO of MAG7 Consulting, a coaching and mentoring firm empowering high school and college students to reach their full potential. After a distinguished 39-year career as a Managing Director at Morgan Stanley, Barry channeled his passion for mentorship into MAG7, where he helps young adults build structure, discipline, and a winning mindset.

A longtime Career Coach at Pepperdine University, he has mentored nearly 1,000 students and remains a sought-after speaker and advisor. Barry’s energy is matched by his deep commitment to giving back, serving on multiple nonprofit boards, including the Cancer Support Community and Pepperdine’s Crest Board. A USC graduate and lifelong Southern Californian, Barry is also a tennis player, magician, and proud recipient of the American Diabetes Association’s “Father of the Year” award.