Experiencing Healing Through YouTube

 

There is no one path in healing, and it may come into your life in the most unexpected ways. For Andrew Murdoch, he spent a huge chunk of his recovery on YouTube. In this enlightening conversation with Tim Westbrook, he shares how watching educational videos online greatly helped in healing the wounds from his messy marriage, getting rid of his alcoholism and gambling addiction, and rebuilding his finances. Andrew also talks about how he helps financial professionals create engaging video content through his own YouTube marketing solution, YT Era. Discover how a non-traditional recovery journey can still lift you from a rock bottom situation.

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Watch the episode here

 

Listen to the podcast here

 

Experiencing Healing Through YouTube

Hitting Rock Bottom In 2018

Take us back to 2018. What was going on in your life at that time that brought you to what you now call your low point?

The end of 2018, specifically September, October, November, that whole period was my rock bottom. I found myself in a very toxic marriage, a very toxic situation that I had to escape from. This was not a situation where I sat down with my ex-wife and asked for a divorce. I packed my things and I left. It was an escape.

To throw like a funny but not funny spin on this, I’ve always found it interesting that when you watch a TV show or a movie where the husband leaves, he’s always branded as the bad guy. He’s the evil doer. I’m like, “When are we going to see a TV show or a movie that explains what drove that man to that decision?”

You do not run away from a marriage unless you were in a toxic, unhealthy environment. At least that was my experience. I just don’t ever see that portrayed in the media. That’s just like the funny, not funny spin on things. I found myself in a situation where after the counseling, after all of the discussions, after all the effort to salvage and save the marriage, it just wasn’t happening.

How long were you guys together? How long were you married for?

The entire relationship was three years. The marriage was a year and a half. We did move quite quickly, actually.

How long did it take before you knew that you needed to leave or that it wasn’t going to work out?

It was a gradual thing, for sure. Things just progressed and got worse and worse. The pastor who married us was actually giving us the counseling. We were broke. We weren’t even paying him if I’m being brutally honest, but the man is a pure angel and wanted to help us. It was one of those situations where he would coach us on something and things would improve for like a day or two days and then she would revert back to just really unhealthy habits. I don’t want to turn this into like an ex-wife bashing session because that’s not what I’m about, and I want to make sure that we’re adding value to the readers.

Essentially, what happened was, we reached a point where the counselor, the pastor wanted to have one-on-one sessions with us. I’ll say this just to paint a picture. We have one-on-one sessions. You’re familiar with the term rose-colored glasses. When someone looks at reality, but doesn’t see reality now. Yes, I know, we’re all living in the matrix. We all look at the world through our own filter. I get that. However, some people just are often la la land. They’re a little oblivious with what the reality is that everyone else can see, but for whatever reason, they can’t see. My pastor at that time says, “Your wife has rose colored contact lenses.”

Was that the first time you’d heard that?

First time I’d ever heard him say that, or realize that. It was like my wake-up call. She knew we were struggling. We were getting counseling, like we were trying to seek help. This was not a surprise. In one of those sessions where we’re sitting down with him together, all three of us, he looks at her and says, “Your marriage is in crisis and your husband has checked out.”

I don’t know how you can be more blunt than that. Yet, when I finally packed my bags and left, I think it was approximately a month or two months after that exact conversation. She was surprised. She acted as if she didn’t know where this was coming from and I left, and I literally had nowhere to go. That’s not because I didn’t have friends or people that cared about me. We were living in Vancouver at the time, which is one of the most expensive cities in the world to live in.

The few friends that I reached out to who were in that immediate vicinity, everyone lives in small apartments. They’re like, “Andrew, I would love to have you come crash here for a bit, but we got no room for you. I’m so sorry.” Finally, a friend of a friend had a spare bedroom that he wasn’t using. There’s no bed in it. I’m like, “It’s fine. I got an air mattress in storage. I’ll see you.” I gave him $600. It was the last money to my name, and I rented that spare bedroom for six weeks, $100 a week.

That was my rock bottom, when I’m laying on that air mattress staring at the ceiling, just left my first ever marriage, feeling like the world’s biggest loser, swimming in debt, mine and hers. I don’t need to go into it, but the primary breakup reason in marriage is financial. It was a huge contributing factor. In Canada, we have the CRA, that is our IRS. I’m talking like garnishing wages. We were like on the verge of bankruptcy. For the life of me, no matter how many conversations we had around sitting down and talking about money, it just never penetrated.

What was she addicted to? What was her solution? What did she numb out with?

It’s almost like you’re an expert at this stuff. It’s almost like you know what you’re talking about. Numbing out. That’s a really great phrase here.

In my opinion, that’s one of the reasons she lacked awareness, because anytime she would start to feel the pain, get uncomfortable, she could just numb out and she wouldn’t even have to deal with it.

I didn’t know until after we were married that she hadn’t paid her taxes in six years. You know the saying how you do everything. Imagine the decisions a person like that would make when they actively avoid their own responsibilities. I didn’t know this, but how many people do you talk to who are about to get married?

I didn’t even think to ask that, “By the way, babe, are you all caught up in your taxes?” I didn’t even think to ask that. Now I feel like a W because we didn’t do the premarital counseling, which probably would’ve surfaced some of these questions. We should have done that. To answer your question, she cultivated ways to a avoid and just numb her own responsibilities.

Drinking was a problem. It was something that ran in her family, and it was something that was discussed on a regular basis. She was not open to completely eliminating alcohol from her life. That was not an option for her because of her lifestyle and the lifestyle she wanted to live. There were definitely some anger management issues. In society, men are supposed to be the rock. We’re supposed to be the foundation. There’s a lot of pressure on us to hold. We’re the glue that’s supposed to hold it together.

Men are supposed to be the rock. They face a lot of pressure and are expected to always exude masculine energy. Share on X

That’s like masculine energy. You’re the rock. Nothing can twist you up, supposedly.

When your life is going off the rails and things are going bad quickly, I took it personally. I took it like, “How come I can’t even convince my own partner to see the reality and the dire situation that we’re in?” It was like she was oblivious. She just couldn’t see. I’m talking anger, like smashing glasses. There was some there was a little bit of violence.

There was definitely mental and emotional abuse. There was a lot of manipulative things going on. One day, I’m at my computer. It was a very different career, very different place in my life. I’m a workaholic and I’m at my computer at like 9:00 at night. This is not a weird thing for me. I was working crazy long hours.

Have you always been a workaholic?

Yeah. Looking back, absolutely. You and I both know Dr. Doug Brackmann. I took his assessment. I’m absolutely a driven, I’m sure you are as well. Our brains just work differently. We’re very ADHD, we’re very, to a certain degree, on the spectrum. We’re very entrepreneurial. What are the problems? Let’s solve those problems. We’re very like that A type of personality.

I’m hustling trying to solve these problems in our lives because I knew things were bad. It’s like 9:00, 9:30 at night, and she comes home and it’s off, like the energy, I can tell. When you’re with someone every day, you can tell the air just changed in the room. I asked her like, “What’s going on?” She’s like, “I don’t want to talk about it.” I’m like, “No. Something’s going on. You better tell me what’s going on.”

Finally, I wore her down and she’s like, “Okay, promise me you won’t get mad.” That never starts well. That’s a terrible thing to ask somebody. What do you mean, promise me? I don’t even know what we’re talking about. She had just come home from the casino and she said like, “I know we’re struggling. I know things are hard right now. I thought I could go to the casino and just solve all of our problems.” I’m paraphrasing, but that’s exactly what she said.

She had lost all of her money. She had nothing. Literally nothing. She’s like, “I don’t have enough money for rent.” At this point, I was paying for her phone. I was paying for a lot of things, but we were still splitting the rent 50/50. I think rent was due in like eleven days. I wasn’t planning on paying the whole rent because I was already paying all the other stuff, and I was planning on paying half the rent. I remember I was very numb in that moment. I remember just like taking a breath and leaning back and just the first words out of my mouth, if I remember correctly, was something to the effect of, “We can figure this out.”

The pressure is typically on the man to solve problems. Not always, like, I’m generalizing here when I say this stuff, but I figured, “We can figure this out. I have eleven days.” I have 11 days to come up with like, what? I don’t even remember. It was like $700 or something. We’ll figure it out. That is so funny for me to say that now, but in those days, it could have been $1 million.

 

I’m not perfect either. I like made plenty of mistakes in that marriage. It takes two to tango, but I just painted you a picture of what my life was like. It was just like, constantly put this fire out, and it was like living in a constant state of emergency. I was constantly surrounded by danger, and I was always on the lookout for danger. That’s what it felt like.

You mentioned coming up with $700, it might as well be $1 million. I was talking with my friend about that about sober living is one of the things that we offer as part of our treatment program. It’s an additional cost. It’s like, “Maybe we should bring that, that cost down from $2,000 to like $1,000.” Even not even talk about the money, because if you’re asking somebody who doesn’t have any money for $1,000, it’s like asking for $1 billion. It’s like they don’t have the money. They don’t have a way to come up with the money.

They don’t even know where they’re getting their next meal, but your service is obviously valuable enough, and you still have a business to run. You’ve got expenses. It’s a constant balancing act for you, I’m sure.

A Wake-Up Call From Mom

I’m thinking about as we’re talking, you attracted your ex-wife. What’s her name?

Lindsay.

You’re in this relationship with Lindsay, and obviously, it takes two to tango. Did you ever look at yourself and say, “Why did I attract that? Why was I okay with that?” I’m sure that you’ve grown and you probably wouldn’t be in that type of a relationship again. Back then, what was it about you that was okay with being in that relationship, and why do you think you attracted her?

I’ve given that a lot of thought. I think any divorced person probably spends a lot of time in self-reflection, understanding where did I go wrong? How did I find myself in this situation? Do you know the old saying, the boiling the frog, like when you put the frog in the water, slowly turn up that temperature? That’s the best analogy I can give you.

You didn’t know what you were getting into.

To zoom out and look at the whole lifespan, I did see some parallels. I grew up in a household with a parent who very much struggled with alcohol and anger management. It wasn’t until I was old enough to have some very mature conversations with my mom that she filled me in on some things. I was like, “Shit. You were married to this alcoholic man.” I should mention this. It’s true what they say. You can’t choose your family. My mom would have to take my dad’s credit card for him on Friday when he gets home from work. He wasn’t allowed to get the credit card back until Monday morning.

That paints you a picture of what their relationship was like. I didn’t think of doing anything like that with my ex-wife, but clearly, that’s something I probably should have considered. My mom had 2 little boys in her house, and an alcoholic and husband and they were married for like 17 years. That obviously ended in a painful divorce.

My parents separated when I was like 10 or 11 years old, very impressionable age. It’s funny how decisions as an adult are often influenced by our childhood. I didn’t always believe that to be true, but I went through all of high school in two homes. My friends would always ask, “Are you at your mom’s or your dad’s?” I had two pairs of pets. Two backyards. Two bedrooms. I never unpacked my bag.

They live close enough to where you could, you could just go. It was like across the bridge. One was on one side of the bridge, the other one was on the other side of the bridge. You just said it during my intro, like, what am I right now? I’m a digital nomad. I don’t have a home. I’ve been homeless since 2019. It’s a chosen homeless now. I grew up in a certain way, and now as an adult, I live a very abnormal lifestyle. When people hear about how I live, they’re like, “Really?” I’m like, “Yeah, for real.” This is a chosen lifestyle.

It was weird. Maybe pre-2020 COVID, obviously, it screwed some things up, but now it’s like the sexy thing to do to be a digital nomad. I’m like, “No, this lifestyle chose me. I didn’t choose it. It’s my normal.” To go back, so I grew up in a household with that environment. When I got old enough for my mom to educate me on some things, I actually hid a lot about my marriage from my mom because I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed that I couldn’t influence my own partner to make better decisions. I felt like no matter what good decisions that I tried to make to improve our financial situation and improve our quality of life, then it would be like another fire to put out.

No matter if I got us 1 step forward, I felt like I was being dragged 3 steps back. I said some pretty colorful things to the pastor who is you know counseling us. I was like, “I feel like I’m treading water in the ocean, and the waves are kicking my ass. I got this ball and chain wrapped around my ankle, dragging me down.” That’s exactly how it felt. When I finally had the courage to actually sit down with my mom, like, “I got some things I got to tell you,” that was hard. That was probably one of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had in my life.

Was that after you left her?

Before I left. I wasn’t actually planning on sharing this story, but it’s important. I shared with my mom what had been happening for a long time. She says to me, “You have to end this marriage.” I never thought my mom would say that. She was very stern with me, and she’s like, “I was married to your father for seventeen years. I knew exactly what you’re going through. You’ve done everything you possibly can to salvage things, so there’s only one solution left.”

I was surprised. Without my mom supporting me during that time, I wouldn’t have had the courage. We’d be bankrupt by now. I don’t know if I would’ve had the courage. She supported me. She pushed me. I said something to her. I can’t remember what the exact context of the conversation was, but she said something to me like, “Why would you stand for this? Why would you put up with this?” Something to that effect. I was like, “You know the old saying, mom. Happy wife, happy life.”

My mom, who’s like this tiny 5-foot-2, sweet, never swears in her whole life, she’s like, “That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.” I was like, “Mom.” I’ve never heard her swear like that before. It was like the wake-up call. It was just like getting slapped right across the face. I was like, “Okay.” I saw a window of opportunity and I packed my shit and I left.

What I’m thinking about as I’m hearing you talk is the path of least resistance is always to go back to what we know. Thinking about what you grew up with, you grew up watching your parents, watching your dad, watching your mom. The path of least resistance is always to look at the past with rose colored glasses, and then you justify why it’s okay. It’s more comfortable.

Even though it’s chaos, even though it’s not good, it doesn’t make you feel good. It promotes you to feel restless, irritable, discontent, and unhappy in your life. The path of least resistance is just to go back to what you know. It’s hard to leave. It’s hard to get sober. It’s hard to leave a marriage. With the support of somebody else like your mother, that sounds like it was really helpful for you.

Big time. I actually don’t have a relationship with my dad. It’s been many years. I couldn’t even tell you how many years because that relationship was damaged to the point where it didn’t make sense to continue. I do have a relationship with my mom. My girlfriend and I both facetime with her every single Sunday. She came down and actually spent three weeks with us down here in Costa Rica. She had a blast. We have a very healthy relationship.

I don’t want to think about where I would be right now if it wasn’t for my mom to give me that. Sometimes, you just need that loved one to give you that push. It’s like, “Thank you for saying that,” because it is hard to leave a marriage. It takes guts. Maybe I’ll end with this, and then we could probably move on to talk about the next thing. For the life of me, I was really afraid of making a mistake. I thought, “What if I miss her to this day?”

I can say, to this day, I have never for a single second missed my ex-wife. That was embarrassing because I was like, “How could I possibly marry someone that I could then leave and not miss?” I had a conversation, probably three months after the separation with a very close friend of mine. I said that to him. I’m like, “How is this even possible? How does this make sense?” He is like, “It’s because you went through all the stages of loss while you were still married to her.” I’m like, “Okay. That makes sense.” At the time, we did have a mutual friend. I don’t think they’re in touch anymore, but I was crashing on their couch because I had nowhere to go.

This was the beginning of me becoming a digital nomad, and I was crashing on their couch. She had stayed in touch with my ex-wife, and I’m like, “I don’t want to hear anything. Don’t tell me.” She’s like, “No. I feel like I’ve got to tell you this one thing.” “I don’t want to know.” She’s like, “No, Andrew. Just shut up and let me say this. After you left, she said something to me that I thought was pretty interesting. She said, ‘I must have really hurt him because he’s sleeping on an air mattress.’” Even after everything, she still didn’t understand. Everything just went over her head.

That was a painful lesson for me that the only thing we’ll ever have true agency, control or influence over is ourselves. I have full control over my actions and my words. I’ll never be able to influence someone else’s actions or behavior. That was a really important lesson because now I’m a marketer. Joe Polish, we know each other through Genius Network, and he says this all the time, “Marketing is applied psychology.”

I’m not a psychologist, but I spend a lot of time thinking about ethical persuasion and what motivates or influences someone to take an action. I spent a lot of my time obsessing about stuff like that. I think the failed marriage was just an incredible gift for me. I can truly look back at it like the worst time in my life, and I could say I’m the man I am now because of that. Sometimes you’ve got to go through rock bottom.

Life happens for me, not to me. I’m thinking about several things as you’re talking. Do you know step one in Alcoholics Anonymous? Step 1 in the 12-step program is I’m powerless. Step one, I’m powerless over alcohol. I’m powerless over drugs and alcohol. My life has become unmanageable. Al-Anon step one, I’m powerless over people, places and things.

I’m no longer more step one. For me, nowadays, I’m powerless over people, places, and things. I don’t need to be in control. I don’t need to try to get people to think a certain way or change, because then that means I’m playing God. It’s exhausting. It’s overwhelming. Things never work out exactly the way that you want them to. It’s like taking action and then you’ve got to turn it over and let things play out the way that they’re supposed to play out.

I love that. Fantastic way to break it down.

It makes it much easier. The other thing I was thinking about is having hard conversations. Joe Polish always says this one of Dave Kekich’s Credo. Life is easy to live it the hard way and hard if you live it the easy way. I think about hard conversations when I think about that. Prior to me getting sober and working the steps, when I would get out of a relationship, it was always cheat, turn into an asshole and don’t have the hard conversation and just leave.

Let it play out. They would leave me because I turned into such an asshole. Whereas now, being in recovery, I know that having the hard conversation and then there’s a huge relief on the other side of that hard conversation, which you were finally able to get to. You said you packed your things and you left. Tell me about that quickly.

That’s interesting because no one ever asked me that question. I think about that. No one ever asked me that. You’re the first person to ask me that specific question. I packed one box. I told myself, “Pack one box and see how it feels.” That’s exactly how it played out. I packed a box and I sat back. That felt okay. It didn’t scare me. I packed another box or another bag or whatever. Before I knew it, everything was packed and I was gone. I actually cleaned the entire apartment top to bottom. I lit incense. I just knew it was going to be a stressful moment. I typed up a letter, left the letter, and incense and just made the place super crystal clean.

How did she find out that you left her?

I told her in person. When I said I saw a window of opportunity, she was on a trip. I had to pick her up from the airport.

You packed your things, picked her up from the airport and had the conversation?

Yes, I did. The conversation was in person. As difficult as the conversation was in person, I’ll actually say that the chat that I mentioned earlier about my mom, that was harder. It wasn’t easy telling my ex-wife.

You teed it up. It wasn’t just like have the conversation. You packed your things one box at a time. You cleaned up.

I had time to process.

You had time to process. You had time leading up to the actual conversation, so you leave.

It’s a simple answer to your really deep question. I packed a box, and then I wanted to see how it felt. There were no feelings of fear. It felt like I was like doing the right thing.

Experiencing Healing Through YouTube Videos

Now this is where your story takes an unexpected turn. Instead of traditional therapy, you turn to YouTube. What was it about YouTube videos that made them feel like a lifeline at that time?

When you’re at rock bottom and you don’t have two pennies to rub together, I turned to free university. I turned to YouTube. I like to consider YouTube the world’s content resource library. I had already started my journey down to like the personal development, professional development. I’d already started learning about Tony Robbins and reading books and watching certain YouTube videos.

When I was laying on that air mattress, convinced I was the world’s biggest loser, it was my only lifeline. I’ll say YouTube saved my life. YouTube totally saved my life. I start binge-watching these videos. I’ll use a specific example. Sometimes people want to know what exactly. It’s unfortunate. I shouldn’t say unfortunate. He’s essentially retired. Last I checked, the YouTube channel is still live and up.

There’s a specific YouTube channel called Project Life Mastery. The man’s name behind that channel is Stefan James. Him and his wife and their two kids and dog, they’re retired down in Panama, not far from here. They built their wealth and they hung it up and their loving life. Back in those days, when I was living in downtown Vancouver, I was literally 35 seconds from his apartment building.

Before I had ended the marriage, I scraped together $5,000, which was an incredible sum of money for me at the time to sign up for his first-ever mastermind. People flew in from all over Canada, all over the United States, because he was already a very successful and respected thought leader at the time. I got to meet some incredible people. That was years ago. I saw a Facebook memory pop up where it was a picture of all of us.

I remember when I was on that air mattress, I can point to very specific YouTube channels, very specific YouTube videos to just help me completely reframe my life and fix things because yes, I had to fix my financial situation. I had to fix my health and wellness because that was a mess. Most importantly, I had to fix my mindset. The old saying, like, I’m full of these stupid old sayings, but you’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with. When you can’t get access to high-quality people because you can’t afford their mastermind or whatever, guess what you can do? You can watch free YouTube videos.

 

If the expert is worth their salt, they don’t hold back. Alex talks about this all the time right now, give everything away for free, charge for implementation. Give them what they want, charge for what they need. This would absolute be applied to Camelback as well. Definitely give them what they need, what they want, charge for what they need.

This is how YouTube works. The cream of the crop, the best performing content is only the best performing content because it typically adds the most value to the viewer. Winning on YouTube isn’t complicated. It’s hard to execute, but the strategy is actually quite simple. Step one, get the viewer. Step two, keep the viewer. Step three, get the viewer back. If you can successfully execute these three steps, your YouTube channel will blow up.

If your content is powerful enough, it makes an impact, adds value to the viewer, then people will be more encouraged to watch all the way through and then watch another one of your episodes. When you can convince a viewer to binge-watch multiple videos in a single session, the YouTube algorithm picks up on that and then will serve your content to that many more people. That’s exactly how you dominate on YouTube. When you don’t have two pennies to rub together, and I’m watching these fantastic videos from just incredibly successful people, they are getting compensated.

They’re 1,000% getting compensated. With my view, my watch time, if I hit the subscribe button, if I comment on the video, if I share the video with friends of mine, they are being compensated because that’s how YouTube rewards them, by ads. Me watching the ads, they get 55% of the revenue. More importantly, that attribution, YouTube always rewards attention. Influence always comes before income.

YouTube always rewards attention. Influence always comes before income. Share on X

With me binge-watching every single video that Stefan James uploads on a Project Life Mastery, that was like my daily dose of like, “Come on, Andrew. You can do this.” When you watch a YouTuber or when you watch consume a lot of content, after enough time, you feel like you know them. When you see them in person, you’re like, “Stefan, what’s going on?” They’re like, “I’ve never met you before, but okay.”

I think about they say you’re the average of the five people that you spend the most time with. They say stick with the winners. I’m speaking to someone newly in recovery, they say, “Stick with the winners,” the winners don’t want to hang out with you yet because the winners want to hang out with other winners. I’m just thinking about YouTube as one of the ways you can level up because it’s free content.

It’s like you go out, you get sober, you’re at rock bottom. You don’t have two nickels to rub together. The people that you want to be like, the people that you’re trying to aspire to be probably don’t want to hang out with you yet. Not yet. However, what’s the quickest path to get there? I would argue that listening and studying some of the materials of these guys on YouTube or other platforms, YouTube’s a great platform for someone to learn and grow and develop and get to that next level or help them get to that next level.

If I can geek out with you for a quick second. There are some human psychological reasons why YouTube is so successful. Edgar Dale was an American education expert. Back in 1946, he invented something called the Cone of Experience, Cone of Learning. What it showed us was when you read something, on average, you only retained 10% of what you’ve learned.

When you move down the cone of experience and just Google this, YouTube this, it’s all over the place, if you move down the cone of experience, watching a video on the exact same subject, your retention goes up 3X to 30%. When you engage a more human sensory input, the brain has more information to process. Have you ever read Atomic Habits by James Clear?

Partially, yes.

The book, if you haven’t read it, it’s fantastic. If you have read it, really quick, there are 11 million sensory receptors in the human body, and 10 million of them are dedicated to sight. There’s a reason why. We’re just a very visually dominant species. Our brains absorb so much. That is the most important. If you can engage with multiple sensory input and tactile.

When you go down the cone of experience, when you have to demonstrate something, when you have to give a presentation, like when I’m on stage or you’re on stage at a conference and you’re giving a presentation, you will retain 90% of what actually occurred at that event. You’re learning way more than the people in the audience. That’s just because you’re actively engaged and they’re passively engaged. That’s the danger of YouTube. If you’re practicing sobriety, you’re looking to improve your life in some aspect, and you’re watching YouTube videos, try to find some way to actively engage.

This is why Tony Robbins makes people jump up and down like idiots at these events because he’s trying to make sure you retain everything that you’re learning. This is another reason why those standing treadmills, and when you’re watching a YouTube video and you’re just moving, that actually will increase your ability to retain what your learning, A lot of people are doing that on their Zoom calls now in the days, and everything’s fantastic way to just getting some movements in. Anyways, I went off on a tangent there.

I think about someone who has ADHD like myself, the way I learn, typically, if I’m in a classroom and if I’m in the back row, forget it. I’m not going to remember anything. However, if I’m in the front row or one of the first couple rows, I’m in a lecture hall with 500 people, first couple of rows, I’ve got to be like raising my hand, having a conversation with the professor. That’s how I learn. Otherwise, I walk out of that classroom, I’m like, “I have no clue what happened.”

In YouTube, maybe it’s a live stream where you’re actually asking your questions in the chat. Hopefully, the creator is paying attention, like a team member who’s paying attention. A live stream would be able to engage more interactively. That’s the danger. That’s why I said this. That’s the danger around passively learning about how to improve your life, whether it’s addiction or something else.

Be mindful that yes, you’re retaining 30% instead of 10% because you’re not reading, you’re actually watching a video. However, if you really want to hack your own psychology, find a way to actually interact. A fantastic example would be like, if the creator says, “Comment your question down below, I’ll answer all questions for the first hour after I upload this video.” Sometimes, creators will do something like that.

If the creator gives some homework assignment, like, “If this video resonated with you, then download my free lead magnet.” That’s an example of you taking an action and actually engaging in the content. I don’t know if I’m ever going to see Stefan James ever again, but if I ever get the chance, and I’m sure I will actually, I’m confident that I’ll cross paths with him at some point, maybe I’ve already said this to him at some because we have hung out a few times. He absolutely changed my life. The thing is, like, he changed my life when he didn’t even know I existed because when you’re hitting the record button, we don’t know who’s watching or listening. If it impacts at least one life, then it was worth our time, wasn’t it?

Exactly. That’s it. We’re putting free content out in the world, and if we help one person, that’s what matters.

Otherwise, why would we sit down and actually use our time to do this? You and I are both passionate people. We’re both ADHD, we’re both entrepreneurs. You don’t become an entrepreneur unless you foolishly believe that you can change the world. We are changing the world, but sometimes, we do need to be reminded that we are making an impact, because right now we’re talking to cameras. We have to be mindful of that there’s someone on the other side of this. Someone with real problems.

How To Maximize Passive Learning

I’m also sitting here thinking about Michael Bernoff. He was talking about one of the hacks is if you’re driving somewhere, to put a video on or an audiobook or a podcast or something like that. It’s passive learning. I don’t know if you can speak to this or if you know anything about this. A lot of times, I’ll passively listen, especially if it’s something that I’ve already listened to. I’m not consciously learning anything, but subconsciously, maybe I am learning something. I don’t know. What do you think about that?

Tony Robbins calls it NET, No Extra Time. I’m a big believer in this. This is why a lot of people will exercise while they’re listening to a podcast or while they’re on a long drive. I do it all the time as well. I have YouTube Premium. I can download YouTube videos because here in Costa Rica, you don’t always have a signal. While I’m driving, I will play like an Alex Hormozi video in the background, because I just think that the guy is amazing. Everything he preaches aligns with the person and professional that I want to be and the entrepreneur I want to be.

Here’s the challenge with that passive learning. Every once in a while, he’ll say something on a YouTube video that I know I need to make a note of, and I can’t because I’m driving. I have to stop and pull over and make that note of my phone or send myself a voice note. I’m getting in the weeds now. As long as when you’re doing that passive learning, you have some way to capture those critical insights or sound bites that you need to come back to.

When I’m passive learning, I’m aware of my own psychology that if I don’t make a note of it right now, or I’ll tell myself, don’t delete that video. I need to come back to that video when I’m actually sitting at my desk or when I’m stationary, so that I can capture that context or that tip or that strategy that I want to apply to my own business or my own life.

I think that’s the danger with passive learning is just being engaged enough in the content so that you know to revisit it. Here’s the best example I can give to you. How many times have you gone to a conference and you’re like, “Damn, this is life changing stuff?” You leave and you didn’t do anything and you lost it all. It’s happened to me multiple times. Maybe this is too in the weeds now. Mike Dudley. You and I both know Mike Dudley from Genius Network. He’s got that like AI assistant thing. It’s just recording everything, so you can literally talk to yourself like, “Send me an email, remind me about this.” I’ve got to get myself one of those.

The one that looks like a credit card.

He had something around his neck.

I think they make a new one. It’s different, but I think it does the same thing. I use it. It’s great. It’ll give you a bullet point summary. You can listen to it. You can re-listen to it. You can re-listen to it at a faster speed. It’ll also transcribe the entire conversation.

When you’re driving and you’re doing that passive consumption, because you’re a busy person and you’re trying to maximize your time, pause the YouTube video, quickly, talk to your AI assistant that you have with you and say, “Send me this text. Send me this email,” and then hit the play button and keep going. You have to have something. I don’t know. It doesn’t have to be that, but it has to be something. Otherwise, it will disappear.

When I’m passively listening, my mind will go other places. I’m thinking about other things, but then I’ll hear something. Typically, that’s what happens to me. If I get one or two things out of it that I remember, but I do need to write it down or I’ll lose it. I was also thinking about going to a conference or an event like Genius Network. I think when I first started going attending Genius Network, or I first joined, I would have like 20 or 30 things that I wanted to implement at the end. What I’ve realized is if I just walk away with 2 or 3 things to implement, it’s much easier. It’s much more doable.

Genius Network has these amazing tools that they give out to us. In the beginning, in my first year, I always used them. I’ll be honest with you. I think Genius Network supports do whatever works for you. I ended up taking bits and pieces of all of those little job aids. I call them job aids. I don’t think that’s what they call them. I just put them all in one document, on a Word doc. When I’m at the event virtually, I just fill in the one document. I have one document for every because it dramatically increases my ability to take action on those tips.

Your recovery path includes things that wouldn’t be found in most treatment plans. What are some of the unexpected tools that helped you? Things beyond traditional therapy, which we have already talked about.

It’s YouTube because it’s a free university. When you’re trying to access high-quality content, you can’t pay for it. You can’t convince those high-quality people to spend time with you. I don’t know of a better option than YouTube, but then in my particular situation, I was too afraid to admit my situation to my mom. Once I finally had the courage to admit the situation to my mom, she was actually the key to unlocking my situation. Without her encouragement and her love and support in that moment, I don’t want to think about where I would be right now. It’s too scary. It’s the combination of the two.

Making sure you’re willing to be vulnerable with loved ones, like the kinds of loved ones that no matter who you are or what you’ve done, they’re always going to have your back. The law of five, surrounding yourself with the five people. If you can’t get a direct access to them, make sure you’re consuming their YouTube content on a daily basis. Whether you’re actively learning or passively listening to it in the background, I feel like there’s like a programming thing. I don’t know if this is real. I think there’s a programming because all of a sudden, the only language that I use on a daily basis started to change.

“I haven’t used that word before. Where the hell did that come from?” Are you going to YouTube to learn about the Kardashians? I couldn’t tell you a single name of the Kardashians. Are you binge-watching Alex Hormozi content that can help you grow your business? Maybe for you, it’s not Alex Hormozi. Maybe for you, it’s someone completely different, but again, pay very close attention to the content you’re consuming every day. You become what you consume.

 

How Your Environment Shapes Your Life

Binge-watch the content that’s going to help you get to where you want to be. You attract who you are. When did you notice that you started attracting different people into your life or did you notice that?

Yeah, absolutely. Joining Genius Network.

Now I’m sure that you attracted a different type of person than you did in 2018.

Absolutely. You mean like a personal relationship, like my romantic partner?

Both. Professional and personal. Generally speaking, you attract different people into your life now than you did 5 or 10 years ago.

I spent a lot of time thinking about this recently. This is a recent recollection of mine. I was at an entrepreneur event. It was a men’s only entrepreneur thing. It was in Phoenix. We were all sitting around the table and the facilitator said, “How about we take terms going around the table, talking about things that we’re grateful for?” It’s the conversation that you have with a certain type of person because that’s a very intentional type conversation. I’m thinking, and now it’s my turn. It just came out of me and I said, “I can attribute all of the results and outcomes in my life now, the outcomes that appear successful, 95% of those are directly attributed to the people I surround myself with. I will take credit for 5%.”

Everyone went, “Holy crap,” because everyone was like, “Me too.” Just because it’s cliché to say doesn’t make it any less true. You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with. It’s a saying that’s used too much, but I think people say it and they don’t do it. I think that’s the difference between why so few people achieve success in life and the majority fall below their expectations.

I can’t remember who originally said this, but how many people look at their lives and their current age and get down on themselves because when they were a kid, they truly envisioned that they would’ve been further along in their life by the point that they’re at now? That’s a butchering. I didn’t say it right but you get the point. The top 1%, the top 10%, whatever, I think they are able to see the matrix for what it is and realize that it’s all about who you spend most of your time with. You’re naturally going to elevate.

Tony Robbins talks about this too. You don’t rise to your goals. You fall to everyone else’s expectations. I’m going to butcher this. Navy SEALs, you’re fit, you’re healthy, you’re getting sleep, you’re eating right, all of this stuff, and then you leave the military, and all of a sudden, unless you’re David Goggins, your habits just fall by the wayside because now you’re no longer surrounded by a peer group that holds you to that higher bar.

You do not rise to your goals. You fall to everyone else’s expectations. Share on X

It’s all about your environment. If you’re practicing sobriety, if you want to be a healthy, fit person, go hang out at the gym. You will naturally become a healthy fit person. If you don’t want to be a healthy, fit person, go hang out with people that want to eat ice cream every day after work. That’s a terrible example.

Ben Hardy wrote the book, Willpower Doesn’t Work. He talks about environments. Environment always wins. It’s someone that’s newly sober, it’s like you’ve got to change everything. New eating habits, new evening habits. You pray and meditate. You do a gratitude list, you exercise, you spend your time with different people, new hobbies, everything has to change. Going back to the path of least resistance, it’s always easier to go back to what you know. It’s always easier to go back to hanging out with people at the bar, not exercising, not doing healthy things.

How do you change that? It’s just easier. How do you change what you know?

First off, being aware of it. Number two, it’s all about action. It doesn’t matter how you feel, it matters what you do. You put it down on paper like, “These are the things that I need to be doing.” For me, it started by making my bed first thing in the morning. I would pray, I’d meditate, I’d do a gratitude list, I’d share my gratitude list with at least three people per day. I’d go to a meeting every single day. It’s just putting a plan down on paper. In my opinion, in my experience, putting a plan down on paper, you know what you need to do. It doesn’t matter how you feel. It matters what you do.

It doesn’t matter how you feel. Emotions are the biggest trick. The human brain is a time machine. You’re either thinking about memories, which is something that happened in the past that really doesn’t matter anymore, or you’re worried about something that hasn’t occurred yet. The hardest thing to do is just be present, be in the moment.

What do they say? If you’re thinking about the future, it creates anxiety. If you’re thinking about the past, it creates regret. It’s like being present being in the now doing the next right thing is always the way to happiness. We just want to be happy, joyous, and free. That’s it.

It sounds simple, but we overcomplicate it. Actually, I should share this. A friend of mine that, we’re not super tight, but whenever we catch up, we catch up. I found out through a mutual friend, he was near death for like two and a half, three months. He was in the hospital. Liver failure. His skin turned bright yellow, like everything turned bright yellow. He’s back home now, thankfully. He received a liver transplant. He’s got someone else’s liver. Now, because of this and I’m not an expert at this, but my understanding is now he’s receiving steroids for the rest of his life so his body doesn’t reject the organ.

Very strict protocol, which ties into what we’re talking about here. Never again will he ever touch alcohol. The doctors say, “No, that’s life threatening to you now.” Other things too, like sushi, raw fish. Just all kinds of things. It saved his life. He’s alive. All he has to do is avoid alcohol. Extreme example. Now, sobriety. The only way forward.

Actually, this is an interesting conversation. In this situation, it saved his life. Maybe you have the data on this, but ever since joining Genius Network, I’ve noticed a crazy high percentage of people who don’t drink. Everyone has different reasons, but I’m like, “Here I am surrounded by all these successful business owners and entrepreneurs.” Do you have the numbers?

I don’t have the numbers. However, I believe across the board. I’ve noticed it too, because when I first got sober in 2011, if I said I say I don’t drink, they’re like, “Are you an alcoholic?” That was the first. Back then, if you didn’t drink, and people are like, “Why don’t you drink?”

It’s like something was wrong with you.

Whereas now, it seems like there’s more and more people that are just not drinking because the message is out in the open that drinking is not good for you. There’s nothing good about drinking. Not as many people drink these days. That’s been my experience, so I know its way out. More and more people just don’t drink. Not because they’re alcoholics, it’s just because they don’t want to drink.

I live in Costa Rica. I got stem cells, like the real proper stem cells. My stem cells are old. I don’t want my stem cells. I want the proper way. The doctor puts you on a protocol before and after. It’s very serious. It’s very strict. No alcohol, no sugar, no gluten, no shrimp, no red meat. Cut out anything that causes inflammation. When you’re spending a lot of money on stem cells, you’re going to like, “Whatever I’ve got to do.” You’re trying to reduce the inflammation so the stem cells do what they’re designed to do.

It comes out like 50 days. Also, there was no coffee. At the end of the 50 days, guess what I did? At the end of 50 days, I was like, “I do not miss alcohol.” I made the world’s most beautiful coffee, though. I love my coffee. Coffee here in this country is just so good. I made myself a coffee. I love my coffee. I just do. I realized that caffeine probably isn’t the healthiest thing in the world either, but I don’t put garbage in my coffee. I drink my coffee black. We’re talking about alcohol. I said, “I don’t miss alcohol. It’s been 50 days. I wonder if I could do three months.”

I did three months. “I wonder if I could do six months.” I did six months. “I wonder if I could do a year.” I did a year. During that year, I went to Vegas for a conference that I was speaking at. I extended the trip because I had some time to kill. I was in Vegas for eight days. I didn’t touch a drop. I had a blast. I had so much fun. It’s the biggest lie in the world. I ended up doing fourteen months with us single drop, and it was Christmas time, and my girlfriend was like, “Do you want to drink?” I’m like, “Okay, sure. Let’s have it.” Honestly, I had one drink and I felt like shit. I feel like your body just adjusts to living like a healthier lifestyle.

If you’re drinking, you just get used to feeling that way.

It becomes your norm.

If you’re eating shitty food, your body gets used to it.

That too. I went to my buddy’s wedding. I’ve known this guy for many years. I’m like, “I’ll have a drink,” but I don’t enjoy it. I identify as someone who doesn’t drink, but I’ll have a drink like once a year.

There are more and more people these days just like you. There were less people like you who were the “normies” that didn’t drink. That’s been my experience. I know a lot of people that I hang out with who don’t drink just because I don’t drink and they don’t drink either. There’s no reason to drink. People who don’t drink feel better. There’s nothing good about drinking.

I think there’s certain cultures. I’m a Canadian and Canadians love their beers and I used to work on cruise ships where you could get a beer for $1. Do you want to talk about alcoholism? It’s rampant on cruise ships. I worked on cruise ships for three years. Yeah, I think that there’s unfortunately a cultural stress.

I agree with you. I think here in 2025 and beyond, I feel like the lights have turned on, but I’m noticing a pattern. Every time I find myself in a room like Genius Network, surrounded by very successful, very wealthy, very respected people that you look up to, people that you admire, I’m like, “That’s so and so. I’ve been watching their YouTube videos for a year and wow, he doesn’t drink. She doesn’t drink.” I’m seeing a pattern.

You might be able to speak to this more so than myself. When I used to go to conferences and events, it seemed like a lot of conferences and events, there was more drinking. Genius Network is the main one that I go to now. Not many people are drinking. To your point, you look around and most people aren’t drinking, nobody drinks. It’s not a big thing. Is it like that at other conferences and events as well?

No. I think it’s like the 80-20 principle. Maybe it’s not always 80-20, but I go to VidSummit every year. It’s founded by Derral Eves, the YouTube GOAT, my mentor. He now co-owns VidSummit with Mr. Beast. I go every year. They always have a big party the first night. It’s a huge party. There’s alcohol everywhere, but there’s always a segment that you can tell. You can just tell like who’s drinking and who’s like, “That’s not for me.” At Genius Network, you don’t feel like the weirdo because you’re surrounded by like fellow ADHD entrepreneurs.

At VidSummit, I don’t feel like the weirdo because I’m surrounded by YouTube geeks. There’s alcohol but I want to be able to get a good sleep. Conferences are very high energy. It’s the conference where I know I’m only going to get four hours of sleep every night. That sleep had better be high quality. If I have one beer, it’s going to screw that up.

I think Genius Network is unique and I’m sure there’s a lot of high-end mastermind connection networks out there that are probably the same. I’d like to think, I don’t know. Genius Network is the only high-level group that I’m a part of. I’m part of a number of communities and I would say that alcohol is more common in the other communities.

Making Mistakes Earlier And More Often

If you could sit down with your younger self before 2018, before rock bottom, what would you want your younger self to know?

This is one of those questions where I feel like I change my answer a little bit every time, but there is a common thread, a silver lining to all of them. In the last ten or so years, I’ve cultivated a practice of whenever a challenge or opportunity presents itself, and it scares me, I have to say yes. I wish I had adopted that sooner because I’m a huge introvert.

I definitely struggled with social anxiety when I was younger. Felt scared and fearful a lot when I had no business of being scared. It’s amazing how often in life where you will come up with a story in your head. You will convince yourself that story is true, like, “So and so hates me.” You get access to more better information or more accurate information and the other person’s like, “No, what are you talking about? My number changed. I didn’t text you back because I had to change my number because I lost my phone.” It’s some stupid reason. I’m like, “Shit.”

Do not be afraid of making mistakes. If something scares you, just say yes and do it. Share on X

How often in life did you convince yourself of you fabricated a fake story in your mind, but you convinced yourself that that was true? I wish I’d learned that lesson earlier in life. If I could sit down with my younger self, I’d say, “You’re going to make mistakes and that’s fine.” If anything, I would push my younger self to make those mistakes earlier and more often, because then, you’re going to achieve the results in life that much quicker. The mistakes are part of life and make you the man that you’ll become. Don’t be afraid of those mistakes. I would also tell my younger self, “Anytime something scares you, just say yes and do it.”

Owning Up To Your Failures

For anyone who’s reading right now who’s living in the shadow of a loved one’s addiction, what’s one small step they can take now to reclaim their life?

I’m thinking of twelve different things right now. One small step to reclaim their life. Remind yourself it might be your fault or someone else’s fault for your current circumstance. It’s not a good use of your time or energy to define whose fault it is. I don’t care whose fault it is. It’s still your responsibility to change the tide, to shift the momentum. It will be your responsibility. If you don’t own up to the responsibility, you will play the victim your entire life.

One day you will wonder what happened. It is the frog in the water that slowly and you will wonder how the hell you found yourself in that. That circumstance. I’ve left careers, I left a marriage because I was that frog in the water temperature situation. Luckily, I had a wakeup call, but I had the courage to take action. That one small thing is you need to define how you’re going to cultivate that courage.

I can’t tell you how that’s going to work for you. No one can. For me, it was YouTube videos. That was the spark. That was that initial kindling that gave me the fuel, and that fueled the fire. Now I’m the person I am today but I cannot tell anyone what that small thing will be. It’s that courage to take action. We said it earlier, it’s all about what you do.

There’s a study out there that said we judge ourselves by intent. We judge others by action. That’s ridiculous. That’s so stupid. We should be judging ourselves by our own actions as well. If I’m in the couch every day, binge-watching Netflix, I can’t complain that I’m not in the physical shape that I want to be in.

You’re about to jump on a five-day journey on a bicycle. I’m so envious. The only way you can do that is because you respect yourself. You take good care of yourself. Drinking is only one part of that puzzle. It’s only one piece of the puzzle. You do a lot. You take action so you can look at yourself in the mirror with pride, because you take action to make those steps in your life. I can’t tell anyone what that small thing is, but they need to have the courage to take action.

Being a victim is never going to help you get to where you want to be. It’s ultimate responsibility. People may have done things to you. People may have hurt you and you might have been that frog in the boiling water and it was turned up slowly. The sooner you have the courage to take action, the better off you’re going to be. It’s taking full responsibility for where you’re at in your life. It’s going to be the best thing you can do. I love that.

It might not be your fault where you’re at, but I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. It’s not important. It’s only what you do with the information that you have access to. Tomorrow you’re going to get better information because you’re going to get better access.

Get In Touch With Andrew

We’re coming up to the end of the interview. Is there anything that I missed? Anything else you want to talk about? Any other questions I should have asked you?

I don’t think so. This was powerful. I really enjoyed this. Thanks for having me. You do amazing work at Camelback. If there’s if there’s anything in this episode that resonated with you and you’re in a dark time in your life, watch another one of Tim’s videos. Listen to another one of his episodes. It costs you nothing and you’re only going to benefit by it.

Thank you, Andrew. I really appreciate you. Where can people find you? If they want to learn more about you, if they want to listen to or watch your channel, how can they connect with you?

I have multiple YouTube channels. I’m getting ready to launch another one here pretty soon. LinkedIn is the best way to connect with me. I think it’s the most mature platform out there, a lot less shenanigans going on. Call me crazy. I don’t like to interact with a picture of a cat. LinkedIn is probably the best way to connect with me.

Andrew, thank you so much. Thanks for reading and we’ll see you on the next episode.

 

Important Links

• Andrew Murdoch
• YT Era
• Atomic Habits
• Willpower Doesn’t Work
• Andrew Murdoch on LinkedIn

 

About Andrew Murdoch

Andrew Murdoch founded YT Era, a YouTube marketing solution, after discovering how educational videos helped him rebuild his life in 2018. Having grown up with an alcoholic father and later navigating a marriage affected by alcoholism and gambling addiction, he understands firsthand how addiction impacts families. Today, he helps financial services create video content that reaches the right people, believing the right message can spark transformation.