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Avoiding Blame

It is not uncommon to hear in group, “Why do these things always happen to me?” If “these things” are always happening to us, the obvious answer is that we somehow bring them on ourselves. We are largely unconscious of what we’re doing wrong until, slowly, eventually; we manage to dig ourselves out from the results. (It seems incredible that we actually seek to be hurt, but in a way many of us do so, with regularity.)

But blaming others for our problems and indulging in self-pity don’t move us along in our program.

Am I still blaming others?

Higher Power, help me take responsibility for myself and my actions, because blaming others will only keep me stuck.

I am responsible. I am responsible for everything in my life. I believe that is the only way to live. When I start blaming and I stop taking responsibility, then I turn into the victim. Then I start feeling sorry for myself. Taking responsibility for everything in my life gives me freedom and happiness. I am not reliant on anyone or anything else for my happiness. After all, I am powerless over other people, places, and things.

Self-Pity

Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.

–Maya Angelou

Some days we grasp at self-pity like a blanket on a cold night, and we are momentarily comforted. However, extended periods of self-pity will undermine our primary purpose, which is to be at peace with ourselves and others so that we may know freedom from our addictions. Thus our self-pity prevents us from carrying a message of hope to fellow sufferers, that they too can find release from their suffering through the Twelve Steps.

Staying clean and sober are gifts available to all of us when we cultivate gratitude. We can be grateful for this program that has brought manageability and serenity to our life, and that leaves us little room for self-pity, anger, or impatience. Our mind will be willing and open to receive God’s guidance and support when we let go of our self-pity.

Today I will stay free of self-pity so I can receive God’s strength.

Great reading, this is just what I needed this morning. I am so full of gratitude for my life today. I am grateful to be sober, grateful that I am health and fit, grateful for my friends in recovery, and grateful that I have learned that I am powerless over not just alcohol, but also people, places, and things. Anytime I start feeling sorry for myself, I just need to open my eyes and look at other people and their life circumstances. I have plenty of money, clothes on my back, food to eat, and a nice place to live. My problems today are luxury problems. Being in gratitude contributes to my happiness, being present contributes to my happiness, being open and willing contributes to my happiness. Life is definitely not perfect for me. However, I am happier than I have ever been staying away from self-pity leads me to being happy, joyous, and free.