Position of Neutrality

Sometimes the road can become lonely, depressing and isolated. Sometimes you can lose faith that people care, or that the universe is watching out for you. Sometimes you might even doubt that there is a higher power working in your life or that this sobriety thing is even worth it at all. I get it, I’ve been there. I’ve had the experience of being incredibly isolated in sobriety, wanting to use, being in severe emotional pain and wanting to check out. I prefer to look at those times from a neutral perspective. Life can be difficult and painful temporarily. Life can also be joyful and peaceful temporarily. No condition physical or emotional, good or bad, is permanent. Practicing the steps in my daily life has enabled me to match “calamity with serenity”. In situations that appear dire, my first instinct is to refrain from causing harm to others or myself. My second instinct is to ask for god’s help to do so. Most of the time the answer is to not intervene. Most things are not my business. I’ve reached a point where the direction my life is headed isn’t even my business anymore. This doesn’t mean that it’s easy for me to loosen my grip on things that I believe I need in my life, but it means that I no longer struggle with having a stranglehold on those things in the first place. In most situations in life, I’ve been placed in a position of neutrality – safe and protected from my alcoholism, my obsession with others, my need for control. These things have been removed. Since they have been removed, I am at much less risk for going on emotional benders that leave me with emotional hangovers similar to a relapse. Over the past few years of sobriety I’ve only been in 3 situations where I felt like I truly wanted to escape life. Those were temporary. And when the next one comes, I’ll have even stronger faith that I’ll get through it.

Hayden House – Now Accepting New Clients

We are so thrilled to announce the opening of our newest home for men off Hayden & Cactus! We will officially be accepting new clients on August 21st and have room for up to 9 men in early recovery. Please contact us for more information & availability!


Weathering Storms

What is my response when the unexpected or undesirable happens? For most of my life, my reaction was to ignore it and use drugs to avoid situations I couldn’t handle. Unfortunately, once we get sober, situations in life are sometimes still overwhelming and undesirable. If you are an alcoholic or addict in early recovery, those situations can feel insurmountable. This is the benefit of a fellowship of people with more time sober than yourself, who can provide guidance and redirection. For the first few years of my sobriety, I didn’t even know how to pay my bills on time or make it to work regularly. That was where I was at and I’m ok with it. I learned through trial and error, making mistakes and apologizing and through acting on people’s advice.

I’ll share with you the most foolproof way I’ve been taught on how to deal with life. A word of warning: this method is UNCOMFORTABLE. You will not find relief instantly but you will find it over the long term. If you want instant relief, you can try but my experience has shown me that my knee-jerk reactions to life often cause me and others harm.

If you are in doubt, reach out. Pause. Ask for your higher power’s direction and for the right thought or action to come. If you still don’t know, go to a meeting. Ask how you can help someone else and don’t talk about yourself. Call your sponsor. If they don’t answer, call your grand-sponsor. If they don’t answer, call your great-grand sponsor. The correct solution to your problem will come easily, you won’t have to force it. Keep yourself in service until that solution is presented to you. Only then, after you feel a sense of calm direction and have run this idea by someone else, should you move forward. The universe doesn’t always work on our timetable but I’ve found that things seem to work out better for me when I trust the process, even if I don’t understand it.